Throwback Thursdays: "Your Expectations" (So Much | So Little)

I can freely admit that I'm not the quickest on social media. As someone trying to spread ideas (and subsequent dialogue) to the masses, I should definitely do better.

At any rate, here is my contribution to the #tbt craze that start a very long time ago. I am re-sharing a poem I wrote in 2008 and posted on Facebook, back when I was single. I had yet to meet my wife, but it's funny how this poem written to my future became applicable to my present (play on words fully intended).

Anyway... ENJOY!!!


I feel crushed by a contradiction of your statements and your actions.

Here I am at Busboys & Poets, listening to poets
Go on and on about the strength us black men possess
And how you will settle for none less
That this king
Whose throne been cold 
For so long.
Somebody worthy to be dependent on.

Yet I feel crushed by the contradiction of your statements and your actions.

You love me, adore me, let no media abhor me
Without commentary to the contrary.
“not all black men skip out on their sons,
Not all black men sell drugs and tote guns,
How dare you speak of my king
In a way to bring shame to his name and his royalty.”
Your loyalty bolsters me 
To be more of me
Just for you.
Just to make your word good.
Just so you can say, “see, i told you”
To anyone who questioned you.
Holding me as your trophy,
The epitome of manhood.

But I feel crushed by the contradiction of your statements and your actions.

Because you love me outspokenly,
Defend me unapologetically,
Love me unconditionally,
Then turn and hate me blatantly.
I feel it in my workplace,
As old black women smile in my face
And then debase our collective manhood.
I heard my principal express the principle
That “every black woman is a single mother.”
If every black woman is a single mother,
Tell that to my brother
Who still fathers a child that he found later to be fathered by another.
Tell that to my father 
Who had a father who didn’t bother 
To be a father,
Never shown a father,
No model to follow after,
And committed to being our father
To the best of his ability,
Even in times when he failed miserably,
Did all he could to feed us,
Love us, lead us,
Even away from the negative he showed us.

I feel it when I try and give you all that you want and need
And I’m told that you don’t
Need me.
Yet poetically,
You need me more than you need anything.
Socially, lyrically...
“I can pay my own bills, floss my own whip,
Buy my own clothes, don’t need you for shhhhhh”
I can’t show sensitivity cuz that makes me weak.
I can’t show leadership cuz “nigga, you don’t own me!”
I can’t work tirelessly cuz “why ain’t you home with me?”
I can’t rest cuz, “nigga, what you bringin home to me?”

I feel crushed by the contradiction of your statement and your actions.

I am convinced that…
You expect sooo much, that you expect sooo little.
I’d love to leave the blame with you
But I know I got some part in this too.
For years, you’ve watched me leave you
Saying “she’s too spiteful,
she’s too independent, she got too much attitude.”
You’ve watched your kings go govern foreign kingdoms,
Leaving you to the care of our princes, our sons.
You’ve advanced in the world with no one’s help but God's
And watch your desire to succeed put you and me at odds.
You’ve nursed my broken body when I fought for liberty,
Nursed my broken spirit when I was denied opportunity,
Loved me when the world feared me and hated me,
Pushed me and raped me, doubted and underrated me…

Then watched me fall into complacency,
Then watched me become lazy,
Then watched me blame the world for all that's happened to me,
Then watched me place that self-hate on you.

You expect sooo much, that you expect sooo little.
Because over these years, I’ve given you sooo little,

You can’t believe I’d give you sooo much.
You can’t believe I’d love you in more ways than sensual touch.
I’d give you so much of my heart,
So much of my time,
So much of my direction,
And so much of my respect.
I will lead you and hear you.
I’d long to be near you
Let me be clear, you'd
Be second to none but God to me.
I’d learn to feed our love daily
Through both word and deed.
To you, I’d be all that a man beneath God I can be.

But please…
Allow me the chance to live up to your expectations.